Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We smell like vodka and hangover
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