My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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