You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
