How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
