Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
