I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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