if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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