i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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