We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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