Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize