and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
