I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
