I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hippo gnu deer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
