We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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