Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
