i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
