i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
