u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
