I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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