Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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