Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
