What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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