this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
