did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im holly from the hills drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
