mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
