I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
