i think my mom watched the whole time
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
