Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
