the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
