In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it because I queefed?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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