I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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