They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
