The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
