I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
