I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
