i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I deserve this hangover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
