Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
