Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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