You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
