i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
