I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
