I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Even my vagina gasped.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
