I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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