at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
