My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
