i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
