We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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