So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
