Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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