dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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