conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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