I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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