it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
