He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
