Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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