i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
