we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
