I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
