No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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