just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
