My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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