Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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