i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
