I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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