If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
