Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
