so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
