They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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