All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
