Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
