We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As shirtless as possible
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
