So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
