Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
