I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
