honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
