You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
