I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
