well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
