Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
