Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
