it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
