So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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