In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win