I heard we made out
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.