my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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