one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
