Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
