I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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