There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
