my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
