I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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