we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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